I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
