You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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