Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
