you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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