i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
