sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
