Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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