There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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