how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
