Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
