Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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