just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
