Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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