Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
