awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
