I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
