Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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