When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
