My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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