why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
