I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
