I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
