is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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