Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
