One girl and one boy is just not enough.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
