Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
