god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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