Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
