i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
