If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
