I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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