I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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