im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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