there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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