I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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