his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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