Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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