??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
