nut hugger
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
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