maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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