Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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