where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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