Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
