If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
