It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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