its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
