The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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