i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
