I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
