I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
