were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
