Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
