you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
