How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
